You are a humble Polan. Do you have white on top, or white on bottom?
If you have white on top, please proceed to section B.
If you have white on bottom, please proceed to section C.
DickRhino comes near you and says "absolutely haram" in your ear. He places you under arrest. What do you do?
If you resist and try to escape, go to section D.
If you comply with his orders, go to section E.
You are a successful Polan! However, part of the job of being a Polan is getting invaded.
If you are invaded by Germany, go to section F.
If you are invaded by Russia, go to section G.
You wake up inside a tombstone. You realize your mistakes, but nothing can be done...
Welcome... to the Joke Life Preserve. The guards warn you- "Hey, kid. If you misbehave too badly, you're gonna get deported to Siberia."
This worries you.
You enter the facility, and are slotted in your cell. A voice whispers to you. "Hey, I got a map of this place."
If you trust them and listen, go to section H.
If you don't and ignore them, go to section I.
You see a tall, un-natural looking figure above you...
- If you run away, go to section J.
- If you absorb into Germany, go to section K.
You see... the Soviet Union.
"What? Papa Soviet! Where you was have been?"
He gives you 3 options.
- Run away, and go to section L.
- Become a member of the Warsaw Pact, and go to section M.
- Join the Union directly, and go to section N.
You see a Sweden next to you.
"What yuo be ins the for?"
"Correct English. With this map, I can bust you outta here. Got it?"
He shows you three options. A DickRhino and JPaolo outfit, a map to the air vent, and a gun.
- If you disguise yourselves as the mods, go to section O.
- If you follow Sweden to the air vent, go to section P.
- If you take the gun, go to section Q.
You spend many years in the JLP. Nothing happens, and you eventually die of old age.
yȌ͑̒͏̠Ȕ̦̖ͥ͋͋̚ ̥͔̝̖̯͖̪̏̒c̝̙̲̝͒͆̍͒̋̚A͍͇Ǹ̘̯̻͉̭͉̔ͥ̀̃̿̉͡ͅN̶̬͉̱̂̂͐̔̄O͡T̗̭ ̥̥͙̦̬̖͟ȓ͎̹͖̝́͊̊̌̐̌U̟͕̘̣̓ͫN̏ͣ̽ͦ̓̐̄͠ You are eternally tortured in the heart of the Reich.
Welcome... to the machine. A maze of passages and rooms that don't quite seem to follow Euclidean geometry.
On the massive map, you see but 3 rooms that are clear enough to make out.
- If you go to the control room, go to section R.
- If you go to the engines, go to section S.
- If you go to the torture chamber, go to section T.
There's nothing but white space.
You never noticed that the background is nothing but white space.
So this is the old office. Back to work, then. You find your dusty old cubicle, and sit down. You open up CapitalistThreat® 1990 Edition, and see something strange on the screen.
GERMANY NO LONGER IN POSSESSION OF EAST - MISSION SUCCESS
New message from Papa Soviet. Read?
(Y) PROCEED TO SECTION U (N) PROCEED TO SECTION V
You feel a warm sensation. As if you are becoming one with the world...
It's calming. You don' ha e o orr abo t a yth g y o e . . .
Sweden responds. "Great! Now I know your English isn't the best, so stay quiet. Just flip upside down, and put this grey mask on. I'll wear the viking helmet."
Brain4breakfast spots you. "Hey! What are you doing out here? I'll let you out."
You go outside.
Wait, is that Dicky and jPaolo walking towards you?
- Run away, and proceed to section W.
- Glance nervously at Sweden, and proceed to section X.
It's cramped in here.
You and Sweden climb up the vents to glory, and run away. END
Alright. Time to go on a massacre.
(1 hour later)
Alright... time to face your final challenge.
- Ambush him, and proceed to section Y.
- Go all out, and proceed to section Z.
It took you a few hours to get there, but this is the control room.
As you walk towards the panel, you notice it seems to get larger, even though it looked normal size from a distance.
You see a message on the screen...
Russia is häs been retrieve East German-Reich. OBJECTIVE: GET BACK EAST GERMANY
What do you do?
- Try to work the controls and get back East Germany, and proceed to section AA.
- No. Proceed to section AB.
Welcome to the engine room. It's warm and steamy in here. What do you do?
- Climb in the engine, and proceed to section AC.
- Bash the engine with your plunger, and proceed to section AD.
Welcome to the torture chamber.
You see Hungary and Denmark inside of it. What do you do?
- Tell them to continue doing it harder, and proceed to section AE.
- Tell them to stop, and proceed to section AF.
Hello komrads! We are on imminent attack from Reich. Please, defend country and set up military! We not can lose East Germany! -Soviet
Hmm. Alright then. You proceed outside, and see the towering form of the Reich above you. With your battlepower, you manage to defeat it!
Suddenly, the Reich breaks through the roof. You are anschlussed, and die.
You run as fast as you possibly can, until you see a building in the distance.
"Heh.", says Sweden beside you.
"Welcome to the wiki."
You nervously glance at Sweden, prompting him to say something.
You swiftly get banned.
Before you can prepare, 767 spots you and bans you.
In the blink of an eye, you shoot all your weapons. 767 drops dead.
You don't know how to use them, you fucking idiot. You crash and burn.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
It's like a whole new sensation...
You can see everything. All the timelines... Everything.
The engine breaks. That was a bad idea.
Suddenly, the whole room falls apart and crashes.
"Make be do harder!"
You know, somehow this is enjoyable. Like a strange sense of schadenfreude.
They send you in there too.