INT. WIKI CHAT - AFTERNOON
Noobish Spammer WIKILORD PELLOW MCRELEVANCY is arguing with administrative Mapper BRICKLORD XO MAPPING. PELLOW tries to hug XO but he shakes him off.
PELLOW Please XO, don't leave me. XO I'm sorry Pellow, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away. PELLOW I am such a person! XO frowns.
XO I'm sorry, Pellow. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore. XO leaves.
PELLOW sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, dumb Owner MISTER ANTONIO SURNAME barges in looking flustered.
PELLOW Goodness, Antonio! Is everything okay? ANTONIO I'm afraid not. PELLOW What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... ANTONIO It's ... a circle tool image ... I saw an evil circle tool image annoy a bunch of admins! PELLOW Defenseless admins? ANTONIO Yes, defenseless admins! PELLOW Bloomin' heck, Antonio! We've got to do something. ANTONIO I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. PELLOW You can start by telling me where this happened. ANTONIO I was... ANTONIO fans himself and begins to wheeze.
PELLOW Focus Antonio, focus! Where did it happen? ANTONIO Reagantopia! That's right - Reagantopia! PELLOW springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
PELLOW rushes along the street, followed by ANTONIO. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. REAGANTOPIA - SHORTLY AFTER
MOSH ABSOLUTE a powerful circle tool image terrorises two admins.
PELLOW, closely followed by ANTONIO, rushes towards MOSH, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
ANTONIO What is is? What's the matter? PELLOW That's not just any old circle tool image, that's Mosh Absolute! ANTONIO Who's Mosh Absolute? PELLOW Who's Mosh Absolute? Who's Mosh Absolute? Only the most powerful circle tool image in the universe! ANTONIO Blinkin' knickers, Pellow! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most powerful circle tool image in the universe! PELLOW You can say that again. ANTONIO Blinkin' knickers, Pellow! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most powerful circle tool image in the universe! PELLOW I'm going to need delete buttons, lots of delete buttons. Mosh turns and sees Pellow and Antonio. He grins an evil grin.
MOSH Pellow McRelevancy, we meet again. ANTONIO You've met? PELLOW Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young PELLOW is sitting in a park listening to some vaporwave music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees MOSH. He takes off his headphones.
MOSH Would you like some GMOs? PELLOW's eyes light up, but then he studies MOSH more closely, and looks uneasy.
PELLOW I don't know, you look kind of powerful. MOSH Me? No. I'm not powerful. I'm the least powerful circle tool image in the world. PELLOW Wait, you're a circle tool image? PELLOW runs away, screaming.
EXT. REAGANTOPIA - PRESENT DAY
MOSH You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. ANTONIO (To PELLOW) You ran away? PELLOW (To ANTONIO) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do? PELLOW turns to MOSH.
PELLOW I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time! PELLOW runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
PELLOW I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with delete buttons. MOSH I'm not scared of you. PELLOW You should be.
EXT. NOOB FOREST - LATER THAT DAY
PELLOW and ANTONIO walk around searching for something.
PELLOW I feel sure I left my delete buttons somewhere around here. ANTONIO Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly delete buttons. PELLOW You know nothing Antonio Surname. ANTONIO We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here. Suddenly, MOSH appears, holding a pair of delete buttons.
MOSH Looking for something? ANTONIO Crikey, Pellow, he's got your delete buttons. PELLOW Tell me something I don't already know! ANTONIO The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. PELLOW I know that already! ANTONIO I made Blocked IP as an alt. MOSH (appalled) Dude! While MOSH is looking at ANTONIO with disgust, PELLOW lunges forward and grabs his deadly delete buttons. He wields them, triumphantly.
PELLOW Prepare to die, you powerful squirrel-potato! MOSH No please! All I did was annoy a bunch of admins! XO enters, unseen by any of the others.
PELLOW I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those admins were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Pellow McRelevancy defender of innocent admins. MOSH Don't hurt me! Please! PELLOW Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these delete buttons on you right away! MOSH Because Pellow, I am your father. PELLOW looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
PELLOW No you're not! MOSH Ah well, it had to be worth a try. MOSH tries to grab the delete buttons but PELLOW dodges out of the way.
PELLOW Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh? Unexpectedly, MOSH slumps to the ground.
ANTONIO Did he just faint? PELLOW I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly delete buttons. PELLOW crouches over MOSH's body.
ANTONIO Be careful, Pellow. It could be a trick. PELLOW No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Mosh Absolute is dead! PELLOW What? PELLOW Yes, it appears that I scared him to death. ANTONIO claps his hands.
ANTONIO So your delete buttons did save the day, after all. XO steps forward.
XO Is it true? Did you kill the powerful circle tool image? PELLOW XO how long have you been...? XO puts his arm around PELLOW.
XO Long enough. PELLOW Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Mosh Absolute. XO Then the admins are safe? PELLOW It does seem that way! A crowd of vulnerable admins enter, looking relived.
XO You are their hero. The admins bow to PELLOW.
PELLOW There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Mosh Absolute will never annoy admins ever again, is enough for me. XO You are humble as well as brave! One of the admins passes PELLOW a memelicious Croat's doggos
XO I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. PELLOW I couldn't possibly. Pause.
PELLOW Well, if you insist. PELLOW takes the Croat's doggos.
PELLOW Thank you. The admins bow their heads once more, and leave.
PELLOW turns to XO.
PELLOW Does this mean you want me back? XO Oh, Pellow, of course I want you back! PELLOW smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
PELLOW Well you can't have me. XO WHAT? PELLOW You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a circle tool image to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. XO But... PELLOW Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Antonio. ANTONIO grins.
XO But... ANTONIO You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! XO Pellow? PELLOW I'm sorry XO, but I think you should skidaddle. XO leaves.
ANTONIO turns to PELLOW.
ANTONIO Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? PELLOW Of course you are! The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly ANTONIO stops.
ANTONIO When I said I made Blocked IP as an alt, you know I was just trying to distract the circle tool image don't you? THE END